This blog post is not about my new business, it is about the business of being a mom and that is the most important business in my life. My son, Liam recently graduated from 8th grade. Before graduation I asked my mom what I should put on the cake? I wanted something more personal than just “Congratulations Graduate.” She said to put: “Watch out world, here comes Liam.” I just sat there and kind of gave her a polite smile. All I was really thinking is, I know I should be feeling this way but really all I am feeling is: “Watch out Liam, HERE COMES THE WORLD!” I first wondered how she could be so nonchalant about this, but if I could give some tips for moms out there it would be that like all things in life, experience has a way of softening the edges of things and putting things in perspective.
She is right, and the funny thing is that I know that is what Liam is feeling. I vividly remember that feeling of 8th grade graduation, so excited and a bit nervous to start my next chapter. Ready to shed my little kid image and embrace my new life as a teenager and a high school student. Eager to push myself and grow up, really grow up. I cannot believe that Liam was about to start high school, all I can see in him lately is that tiny baby who would not nurse. That stubborn, strong little infant who kept me up all night. That little wonder who could get out of any swaddle I put him in. I know he still has that determination in him and that will serve him well in the future.
I think back to how our relationship has evolved over the course of the years. At nine months old when he started making the sound, “mmmmm,” I immediately called my husband and said he is trying to say Mama. My husband laughed and laughed. It took some more months and Mama would follow a long time after Dada but whatever, I finally got a Mama out of my sweet baby. Then Mama turned into Mommy as preschool came around and that sweet sound made me smile inside and out every time, I heard it. That one word out of his little mouth made all the sleepless nights more bearable. It made the worries I carried around with me all day for him quiet down in my own head.
I was a mommy and so happy to be one. Happy to rediscover this amazing world with my little buddy by my side. My joy doubled as his little brother Cooper began to pass through the Mama phase to the Mommy phase. I was exhausted and overwhelmed but content with my life because I was a mommy. Then, as I was warned that they would, the days flew by then the years flew by. Our beloved Kindergarten teacher Mrs. Rozowski once warned me a long time ago, the days are long, but the years are short. She was right, we flew through so many birthdays, holidays, scrapes, cuts, arguments between brothers, fits of laughter, so many episodes of Max and Ruby, so many questions about life and then it happened one day.
Unceremoniously, and without warning I was cut short from Mommy to Mom. We were in front of his friends and he was around 9 or 10 years old and he just dropped the “my.” This action, like the sound of mmmm so many years before forced me to call my husband at work and tell him about the horror of it all. He laughed and thought it was cute and great that he was growing up. I cried and he laughed. I felt like I was losing a limb, I went to all the other mothers in his class and some of them were going through this also. The ones whose kids had yet to drop the “my” tried to stay away from the conversation like ignoring it would keep it from their lives. I totally understood and wanted it out of my life.
Ridiculous as it may sound I wanted that little “my” back at the end of my name. I had a BA, and an MA but the only letters I wanted associated at the end of my name was, “my.” I had worked equally hard for those letters as the other ones associated with me. Reality was setting in and I knew that this was the beginning of the move towards his independence. He would occasionally throw me a bone and call me Mommy at home when it was just us. Cooper, my youngest still was calling me Mommy so I was not totally lost but I knew he would drop the, “my” sooner than Liam did. Now many years into being just, “Mom” I get it, he is maturing which is really what I wanted.
That maturation has been the goal of this whole thing, to raise a child who is ready to take on the world. I just forgot along the way that I had to help myself as much as I was willing to help him. Now that I have a high schooler I have been known to answer to, “dude” or even, “bro.” I answer because I know he still needs me. I used to love our bedtime routine with us cuddling and a story. We would talk about our days and what our next adventure would be. Now, I get a text from Liam who is down the hall in his bedroom saying goodnight. I remind him I love him and not to listen to music too loud in his ear buds.
He is ready to take on the world, but I am not. I wanted to put on his cake, please don’t rush these next four years, slow down and take it all in. I didn’t think it would fit. So, I put aside my fears for him and I took my mom’s advice as I should always do, and put, “Watch out world, here comes Liam.” I proudly served it while I quieted the ache in my heart. Here are more tips for moms out there: Good luck this year in school, moms, no matter what year your child is starting, preschool, kindergarten, middle school, high school or college. You have done a good job and they are ready to take on the world and conquer it!
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